The open sky

You can't stop my shine

6 months. 6 months of calm, which seems to be a new record for me. Really, the whole last year and a half have been beyond anything I've ever known I'd have.

So where do I begin? I ran today, worked out with some of my new team (well knew for the last year). And it was awesome. I've got people to work out with, and even though I didn't mind doing it by myself before, its so much more fun. And even if I didn't, its days like today that remind me why I run. Sometimes my mind races, and thats when things are not good for me. It goes into overdrive, and usually takes me down roads I don't want to go. Running calms me, puts me at peace. Especially hard workouts like today. Whatever frustrations I have, whatever nagging doubts, I can just leave them out there on the track.

Thats why I run. Sure, I like to go fast, and I like to be able to eat whatever I want. But... honestly I go fast, because when you do, when you are working so hard, whatever is on your mind floats away, and is replaced by the burning in your lungs, the pounding of your quads, the sweat down your face, that rythmic (or not so rythmic breathing if you are me), and the worlds gone for however long. I get this peace for an hour to an hour and a half a day usually. And thats all I need usually.

When its not, I always have my one last option, and its one I'd like to take more often. It doesn't really matter where, but nature is my place. It is where, when I need perspective, I can find it. Its there, at the beach, or on trails, or even just standing outside, looking at the night sky with the few stars bright enough to find here, that I can get lost in the world. And lose myself in nothingness. There is something so liberating about being so small, so insignificant. Lots of people I don't think truly understand that. But I think I do. The world is so big, so beautiful. And we're just peices of it. I went for my first swim in the ocean the other day, and its so nice to just let the waves wash over me, and to feel the cold envelope me, to feel the water wash over me. I dunked myself, for I don't know how long, and just held my breath. And felt. I guess, being in science, working in a lab, driving to work, whatever, it... makes us lose out on part of what being alive is, and that is all of our senses, and I think that is why I love the outdoors. You can be totally enveloped by it. All your senses, let you come alive.

I'm alive.