I haven't written in this in forever, but now is as good a time as any to start. Today marks the end of one year, the beginning of another. The last year has been one in which looking back it seems like I should be struggling and hurt. Sabrina, who I spent the last 2 and change years being with off and on, and I are no longer on speaking terms. Things were great for the first 6 months of the year. I couldn't have asked for better. And then she went back to China and everything changed. What she needed changed, and I was left digging for answers of where things went wrong. The truth of the matter is nothing went wrong. We were just two different people going two different directions, and our paths merged for a while. And the truth is, the first two years of the relationship, that's exactly what I needed, a travelling companion on the road. And I like to think that's what she needed too. And at the end, we just didn't need that anymore. She saw that before I did, but in all honesty, it was inevitable. And I think we both are better for it, and closer to that destination of happiness and peace. We split amicably, but then one night a few months later I met Jessica through a mutual friend, and Sabrina abruptly refused to talk to me anymore. I'm ok with that, but its not the ending I had hoped for. Back to Jessica. I spent most of the night I met her just talking to her. And it felt good. So we made plans and met up. And I learned my whole outlook on relationships had changed. This was all about sharing experiences. From NYC, the zoo, aquariums, corn mazes, and a wonderful Jack's Mannequin concert. We did things. We got out more than I had in a while. But that was one that was sure to burn out fast. I knew it would, I think she did. But truth be told, I didn't really care. It was all about having fun. When it ended, it wasn't great, but it was what it was. This ending happened right after thanksgiving. So here I am today.
And where is that? Life isn't always great for me, but I am content. Work is more fun than ever, I'm actually finding a passion for what I do. It's hard, I've been rejected from journals and talks, but the struggle is what makes it worthwhile. And when I do get results, its a beautiful thing. Hopefully in a month or two I can share a link to a journal article of mine. The crazy thing is, I don't even care about graduating anymore.
I have my group that I run with, and have formed a core close group of friends. I have a job that I like. I have friends in that job too. I've had amazing experiences with relationships. I think the answer is that I have found a home, even though I miss my family. The truth is the world just keeps getting smaller and smaller, so even being on the other side of the country, I'm not that far away.
So where do I go from here? You'll have to wait until tomorrow.
