Ocean to Sound 2010

Quick recap of Ocean to Sound race.

Sunday morning, at 5:15, I hit the alarm, ate, got on the road by 5:35 before the sun was up, and met the team at the Sayville Running Company to carpool to the start of Ocean to Sound. It’s a relay race composed of 8 legs, ranging in distance between 5.7 and 7 miles. This was my first team race in a long time, and was excited beyond measure for it. There is something so much more fun running with a team than solo. Anyways, layout pretty much went, in order of legs, Nehr, Mike, B, Beach, Soultan, Holl, me, and Adam on anchor. I had a long time to wait until I ran, as my leg started ~36 miles in. So anyways, here is the brief recap of the race…
Lynbrook showed up (made up of also, a bunch of solid ex-college runners. We are deeper, but their top are better than ours). Their lead off is their best, Dan Mcgrath, a mid 2:20’s marathoner. Nehr did great though, kept us within 30 seconds. Next two legs for us, we put in a good lead, because this is where they put in their weakest (our weakest were legs 4 and 5). Going into 4 we had built almost a 6 minute lead, which evaporated to 1:30ish by leg 6. Holl is one of our strong runners, but they put on a really really good guy there, and our lead turned into ~20 second deficit by leg 7. I was behind and nervous as fuck, as I didn’t want to be the one to blow it.
Leg 7 is a hilly leg, and also the longest. I take off hard, and by about a mile close to within 10 seconds. We take a turn up a steeeep hill and all the wheels come off. About 300 meters up… Brendan has driven up the hill and is yelling we need to turn around… we went the wrong way. Lynbrook’s guy (Shaun Mcgrath) was a little under 10 second in front of me at that point, and I waited for him to pass me again, and offered to spot him 10 seconds, he turned it down (I think most would, but I had to ask anyways). We get back down, and start the grind up the main hill of the leg, decently steep, about a mile long. Shaun sticks with me up it, and a bit after the crest. Some point by 2.5 in, he has lost contact though, I don’t really know. At this point I was running with the fear of god in me, worried of ruining our leg, and just moving the best I could. I clicked off some decent middle miles, until about 4.5 in, when long straights started. I was still rolling until about 5 decently, and then at like 6ish, steep steep uphill number two… And I was crawling. Anyways, after that hauled it in the straight to the finish, 7 miles in (with 600-700 extra) in 41:29. Finally got a measure of the gap. 2:05 I had put on him for a total of a 2:25 swing to the hand off to Adam.
Adam rolled, and the rest is history. He put an extra 2:05 on top of what I did, we won. Fourth year in a row SRC guys have won. The women’s team also pulled off a W. All in all, it was a great day. The competition was pretty awesome, being so close so late. And running with a team is great. The burning in my legs I missed a ton too. This has really gotten me psyched for running again. I feel like I’m in shape (I think I averaged in the 5:30’s if you count the off course section). My mileage is getting up there. I’m healthy. Life is good.

Existentialism on prom night

So I'm in an airport, waiting to travel home for a little break. It feels like I'm about to start a new chapter, I don't know. Like a big change happened. It hasn't really, but its how it seems. I passed my oral exam, the next big step on my way to my PhD. As of now, I'm kind of on cruise control with it, and seem way way way ahead of schedule. My oral was exceptionally good, I am told, and now I get ready to publish :-) .

As far as Minnesota goes, Milli decided we shouldn't talk again, which I'm OK with. The phone number is gone, and she has the option to contact me if she ever feels like it. In all honesty, its hard for me to care too much about that. I mean, compared to Erica, Erin, Sabrina, hell even Megan, this was like a little summer fling I guess? I've gotten good at getting over things, and I'm not really sure there was that much to get over in the first place. One thing I've learned about myself is its much easier for me to control/direct my emotions than I think most people can. Its easy for me to like someone, but its also easy for me to move on/turn it off. Anyways, its over, and I get to keep a nice little box of memories, and burn whatever I don't need from it. Its the best way to live life, or at least the only way I know how.

Speaking of which, randomness seems to be my thing lately. Not randomness in the actions, but in the more cosmic sense. Like fate, random little events keep giving me adventures, keep me moving, and I'm trying to just embrace it for now.

I got a message from this woman I met on the plane last time I was in Oregon, Chrissy. No contact with her since then (about 6 months ago). Turns out, there is this 100 mile relay race in Vermont at the end of August (6 people per team, 14-18 miles of running depending on the leg), and I got asked to be a team member since she is on a team who needs one more runner. So I'm going to be running (racing?) in Vermont, which I think is going to be really cool. I've never actually been, so chalk this up for more experience. I guess while I'm young, I'm enjoying collecting them.



Maybe at some point, I'll be done. And have all the experiences I need before moving on to the next moment. But not yet, not now. Now I'm content to collect these moments. Its been a wild, fun ride, the last few years. And I plan to keep it that way.


Existentialism on Prom Night - Straylight Run

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXdLUcqwBSg

Beyond beautiful...

Sing me something soft,
Sad and delicate,
Or loud and out of key,
Sing me anything,
we're glad for what we've got,
Done with what we've lost
Our whole lives laid out right in front of us,

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would

Give my regards to grace and virtue

Today was beautiful. I'm getting back into shape after the last three weeks or so were crap for training (reasons mostly are due to travel, between Albany and MN). But things are back on track. The whole 90's and humid is killer though.

However, at the end of the run, it just started raining. And it felt so good, just letting it wash over me, cleaning the sticky sweat off with something so pure in a sense. I know its not really, but the cold of it against the skin after that run, and feeling it drip off my face, gives it something more than what it is. And the lightning started. Oh the lightning. Nothing that came towards the ground really, but stayed in the clouds. And lit up the sky.

The drive back it got more intense, as I drove towards the center of the storm. There is something about driving into the storm. A few times a minute, the whole sky would light up, like a bomb went off. There is nothing so beautiful. It was pretty dark, almost nine at night, and then in a heartbeat, a yellow, blue, or red flash, now and then mixed with streaking blue lights flickering across.

And this is why I live. This beauty that surrounds these every day things. Its hard for me to not be happy with my life, when I can see this and just get lost in it. I've taken my licks a lot lately, but who hasn't, and I'm still alright. And that's what matters isn't it? You get knocked down, but I don't let it keep me down, because all these little, insignificant things that happen to me are just that, insignificant. Who cares about these things. This life is about these little beautiful moments, and I'm content to take them, and leave the rest. Because when its over, all we have is our moments.

Where the title comes from:

Human by The Killers

Musing

I wish I was a more bitter person sometimes. I think it would be fun. Then I could totally relate to this song. But its still fun to pretend.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVk_e31dnlE

I love Ben Folds.

The Last One Home

Everyone I've talked to says these things need to change about me. I'm impulsive, I'm reckless, I act without a lot of thinking.

And things I do usually don't end that great.

But the path in between has never been not worth it. My instincts have never been wrong. And I don't have any real regrets.

So fuck it, I'm just gonna keep on doing what I do.

Shades of blue

Slow this life to a crawl,

just to feel it float around me,

strands of cobwebs, wrapping around a disconnected soul,

floating on the water, in the breeze of the summer,

with the sun beating down as we fade.

Shaken and tossed about,

as my leaves fall to the ground,

and I bare my branches, for the world to see.

The chill in the morning, as pieces of me are blown in the wind.

And I fall.

To feel the cold, across the hardened earth,

To feel life hiding, underground, underwhelmed.

and forgetting everything, just to survive, into the spring.

Where we are reborn, as the ice melts.

Dancing in the wind, of the coming day.

Red and violet, yellow.

Singing our souls to a sky

Floating and free.

Just to do it again.

Do you see the pictures on the walls?

So here I am, up in Albany, and I spent all day driving. Well mostly, I woke up early and ran in Avalon this morning, through these beautiful fields that are there, totally in bloom. It's a sea of yellow flowers right now, with the occasional white and purple and blue, and is stunning. Its moments like these that the spirituality in the things we do come out. I don't believe in a god, or a religion, but I do believe in this spiritual feeling that I get sometimes, if that's the right word. I guess I don't really know, but I'm ok with that. And now that I'm in Albany, its exciting. I don't get to see family very much anymore, and I get to see my brother. We weren't that close for a long time, but since I've moved to NY, and he is in NY, we've become a lot closer. I feel like I should visit him more than twice a year though. But it is what it is, and I'll work on that. Its nice, actually getting closer to a family member, instead of growing apart. I wish, and think that with some of my relationships, I really need to work on that (mostly meaning towards my dad). I will.

Switch topic.

And the drive, the drive up here. Is amazing. I took the road less traveled by avoiding the expressway, and took the Taconic Parkway. And for 80 something miles, it is just winding through trees and forests, with the occasional rock wall, a beautiful bridge towering above the water, and a few amazing views. Every 10 miles or so is some sign for a park, or lake, and I have to resist the urge every time to derail my trip and just go on an adventure to them. But, I'll have adventures in Albany too.

And my most exciting thing from this trip, something that never gets old, I saw a sign for Poughkeepsie. I don't know what it is with me, but there is this song, I woke up in a car, that I want to go to the places mentioned in it really bad, no matter how mundane or small, and there is a line,

I caught a train to Poughkeepsie, and time stood still...

And whenever I see the sign for that place, I can't help but smile, and want to just drive off my path to it. So far I haven't. But the urge is there, calling.

And then off the Taconic, I meandered through farm lands, with little places by the side of the road, offering berries and apples, and pies, and fresh vegetables. I miss those from back home. Its one of the things I miss the most. The apple trees we had, the ability to just go to our backyard, and pick as many blackberries as we could eat, having the garden, the strawberries and raspberries and blueberries and plums and pears. And seeing them makes me feel. At home.

And this whole time, through all of these things, I was wishing I could share them with a certain someone, and I think the most exciting thing to me is that in a month, I can. I can show someone the things that make up the details of me, and I'm beyond excited to do it.

Or maybe I'm just excited to easily?

I don't know. Maybe.

Maybe not.

The open sky

You can't stop my shine

6 months. 6 months of calm, which seems to be a new record for me. Really, the whole last year and a half have been beyond anything I've ever known I'd have.

So where do I begin? I ran today, worked out with some of my new team (well knew for the last year). And it was awesome. I've got people to work out with, and even though I didn't mind doing it by myself before, its so much more fun. And even if I didn't, its days like today that remind me why I run. Sometimes my mind races, and thats when things are not good for me. It goes into overdrive, and usually takes me down roads I don't want to go. Running calms me, puts me at peace. Especially hard workouts like today. Whatever frustrations I have, whatever nagging doubts, I can just leave them out there on the track.

Thats why I run. Sure, I like to go fast, and I like to be able to eat whatever I want. But... honestly I go fast, because when you do, when you are working so hard, whatever is on your mind floats away, and is replaced by the burning in your lungs, the pounding of your quads, the sweat down your face, that rythmic (or not so rythmic breathing if you are me), and the worlds gone for however long. I get this peace for an hour to an hour and a half a day usually. And thats all I need usually.

When its not, I always have my one last option, and its one I'd like to take more often. It doesn't really matter where, but nature is my place. It is where, when I need perspective, I can find it. Its there, at the beach, or on trails, or even just standing outside, looking at the night sky with the few stars bright enough to find here, that I can get lost in the world. And lose myself in nothingness. There is something so liberating about being so small, so insignificant. Lots of people I don't think truly understand that. But I think I do. The world is so big, so beautiful. And we're just peices of it. I went for my first swim in the ocean the other day, and its so nice to just let the waves wash over me, and to feel the cold envelope me, to feel the water wash over me. I dunked myself, for I don't know how long, and just held my breath. And felt. I guess, being in science, working in a lab, driving to work, whatever, it... makes us lose out on part of what being alive is, and that is all of our senses, and I think that is why I love the outdoors. You can be totally enveloped by it. All your senses, let you come alive.

I'm alive.